I was an attorney for a large firm in miami-dade, but was recently “let go” because I now walk on all fours!
Before I begin, let me say, I’m not on here seeking legal advice as I’m a professional in the field of law. I am simply seeking first reactions, perspectives, and thoughts concerning my rather unusual situation.
My field of work demands a great deal of time. So much so that I have little time to myself. Exercise, sports, or any such fitness activity requiring a long term commitment in order to produce any tangible results is out of the question. So, in a brief moment of spare time, while enjoying a cup of coffee and roaming the internet on my MDA (equivelent of a blackberry, but better), I came across an article presenting a fascinating method of exercise that I could fit into my daily schedule. I won’t name the title of the article or author because i’m not here to advertise. But, the concept of this one method was simply to walk around on all fours similar to that of an ape, gorilla or chimpanzee. I tried it around the house for about 30 minutes per day for a couple weeks and when I began to see extraordinary results, I was instantly hooked. I started walking on all fours at all times; off the job and soon even while on the job, in the office, behind closed doors. People around the office started to talk (especially the paralegals), I was always sweaty, breathing heavy, and chest pumped, and hunched over as if I were living in gorilla mode…and even started gorilla grunting around others instead of laughing like a normal human. Still, nobody knew what I was up too, they just thought I was on steroids because I was packing on muscle and my gorilla grunts were becoming ever more powerful. The senior partners didn’t seem to mind the recent changes in my physical appearence or personality because my work was still excellent and my clients were pleased with my aggressive attitude towards their needs. But I started taking my walking on all fours too far (some seemed to think), while most others were simply happily entertained. I started walking down the halls of the law office on all fours, I would walk on all fours in business meetings, at the supermarket, at the doctor’s office, and while going to check my mail. But, although this made people react in a variety of ways, it never directly affected my life; I was just so excited about and focused on how many pounds of muscle I was accumilating , how many pounds of fat I was shedding, and the extent to which my stamina was increasing. Then, in mid January, while defending a client in a class action suit, I began presenting my case the the Judge and Jury while walking around the courtroom on all fours. For some reason, I had been walking around on all fours for so long that it was just second nature to me. In fact, at that point, I felt more comfortable walking on all fours like a gorilla than walking on my hind legs like a human. I got into a heated, but quick debate with the judge, my senior attorney, and my client for my animal like behavior, but I explained to them that as long as I carried myself in a professional manner, there are no rules Cialis Without Prescription prohibiting an attorney from walking on all fours while defending a client in the court of law. To make a long story short, I continued walking on all fours throughout the entire trial, questioning witnesses and speaking to the jury on all fours went fine in my opinion, but we ended up losing the case and the next day after the loss, I was fired from my job. IS THAT FAIR??????
Your description of why you were terminated was riveting. As far as fairness, I would vote that the employer was not fair. You developed an exercise routine that worked for your specific needs. However, (I am not a trained medical professional) you allowed a good habit to become an "obsessive/compulsive" behavior. The action of your termination may be able to be reversed if you could visit a reputable therapist and have them send a letter to your former employer, if you want to attempt to regain your previous status. You need to accept that you stepped outside the bounds of "socially acceptable" behavior and make another attempt to conform to the professional standards required by your chosen profession. May God bless and keep you well, my friend.
He who behaves like an ape deserves to be treated like one. I certainly wouldn’t want an ape for an attorney.
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If this story is true, yes it is fair that you were fired. Walking on all fours and grunting does not show professionalism which is a must on that type of job. Go work as a mime or in a zoo.
i think you should apologize to your piers and the judge…maybe bring them a nice bunch of fresh bananas and stop that monkeying around
Quite frankly, if I was your boss at any kind of job, let alone a law firm I would have fired you long before that. I’am sorry to say that even through you were doing it to be healthy there is a time and place for that. In a court room is not one of them. Did you ever wounder why you lost the case?
You should not have become a Republican.
You would think, such a story if it were true would have made it to the media, did it? Are you still getting around on all 4’s? Did you use your knuckles or palms of your hands to walk on? The more i think about this, the more i think your full of shi-te.
Act like an ape, be treated like an ape.
Perhaps you can get a job in a lab somewhere while you file your grievance.